Sorry Google, It’s Not Working Out

Google I’m sorry, it’s not the way it used to be between us anymore. It’s not that you haven’t cared for me, given me gifts (the digital photo frame broke by the way) and let me watch porn.

But, I expected too much of our relationship I think – which only started as an accident anyway if you care to remember (that’s another thing you never seem to forget any of my personal details, it’s creepy). Don’t get me wrong, we had some great times but you’re just not as exciting as you were.

You used to be spontaneous, suprising and passionate! Now I’m lucky if you do anything out of the ordinary.

The thing is, I’ve started seeing other search engines occasionally. Not all the time, no there’s no one serious… yet. They do things for me you never did though and aren’t afraid of making me a little frightened. You should have seen the pictures Snap showed me, the way Hakia listened to me, and well… to be honest I did have some group fun with Clusty.

I take full responsibility for this, I obviously expected too much and that wasn’t fair on you – just know that you’ll always have a special place in my head.

With sympathy,


PS. And Google, please do write me back, I’m open to your views here and I know how personable you are. Heck, if you’re passing by in your awesome ride, just leave me a comment even. (Diggnation t-shirt for the best response!).


2 Comments on “Sorry Google, It’s Not Working Out”

  1. Paul Angles says:

    Hey, Phill,

    Sorry to hear that some search engines are leaving you feeling unloved. On behalf of the hardworking men and women of, the entire Idealab family, our investors, our spouses, parents, children and pets, the hundreds of thousands of sites and blogs (like yours!) that use our Snap Shots technology millions of times a day, we want you to know how much we really and truly care about Phill Midwinter, the man, writer, the inspiration to us all.

    While I can’t offer you an electronic picture frame (broken or working) or any seriously expensive schwag, I would be honored to send you a magnet (suitable for attaching pictures of puppies to fridges), a t-shirt that’s far more stylish than any you’re likely to see, a rare jacket to keep you warm, a Snap pin, a cool Snap lighted pen, and lots o’ Snap stickers.

    Best regards,

    Your pals in sunny Pasadena, CA
    Team Snap

  2. That was the most amusing (and truthful) review I have read on the direction of Google in a very long time!

    I chuckle and cringe all at the same time. Yeah, they used to love us, but I guess they have found a new love…They’ve left us behind for a new lover, a lover with cash in their pockets….Their investors….

    Maybe they’ve left us behind because we’re not monogamous in our advertising. Could it be that Google is the ONLY place we should be spending our online advertising dollar?

    Did we betray them when we spent a buck elsewhere and now Google is the woman scorned???

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